How to Ad-dress ME!!!
BUT…I just wanna talk about how Dad and Mom work really hard to AD-Dress ME ‘cuz I am in recovery…
I scare pretty fast, am ‘fraid of my own shadow, and whine and whimper inside if I think someone is trying to get too close to me to maybe, like, swat me, chase me or somethin’ like that.
NOT my DAD and MOM…NEVER…but it makes it hard for them to know how to AD_DRESS ME ‘cuz I have ups and downs.
So….here’s how they do it…I think it’s pretty cool myself…
First…they bow from the waist, no really! They do that!! Cool beans, huh?! Anyways, they bow from the waist so’s their faces are more level with me…then they offer their fingers for me to sniff. Com’on…really THEY DO! So, I inspect their fingers and if they don’t have anything yucky smelling on ‘em, then I kind’a have this really cute little move…
I sort’a lean towards them with my chin lifted, turning my head away, but this way I make my chin available for a stroke or rub or two, etc. Got it! And that’s how I roll…NEVER FAILS…they always do it that way…
Check out Mr. Eliot’s poem from Old Possum’s Book of Practical Cats:
THE AD-DRESING OF CATS
You’ve read of several kinds of Cat,
And my opinion now is that
You should need no interpreter
to understand their character.
You now have learned enough to see
That Cats are much like you and me
And other people whome we find
Possessed of various types of mind.
For some are sane and some are mad
And some are good and some are bad
And some are better, some are worse -
But all may be described in verse.
You’ve seen them both at work and games,
And learnt about their proper names,
Their habits and their habitat:
How would you ad-dress a Cat?
So first, your memory I’ll jog,
And say: A CAT IS NOT A DOG.
Now Dogs pretend they like to fight;
They often bark, more seldom bite;
But yet a Dog is, on the whole,
What you would call a simple soul.
Of course I’m not including Pekes,
And such fantastic canine freaks.
The usual Dog about the Town
Is much inclined to play the clown,
And far from showing too much pride
Is frequently undignified.
He’s very easily taken in -
Just chuck him underneath the chin
Or slap his back or shake his paw,
And he will gambol and guffaw.
He’s such an easy-going lout,
He’ll answer any hail or shout.
Again I must remind you that
A Dog’s a Dog – A CAT’S A CAT.
With Cats, some say, one rule is true:
Don’t speak till you are spoken to.
Myself, I do not hold with that -
I say, you should ad-dress a Cat.
But always keep in mind that he
I bow, and taking off my hat,
Ad-dress him in this form: O CAT!
But if he is the Cat next door,
Whom I have often met before
(He comes to see me in my flat)
I greet him with an OOPSA CAT!
I’ve heard them call him James Buz-James -
But we’ve not got so far as names.
Before a Cat will condescend
To treat you as a trusted friend,
Some little token of esteem
Is needed, like a dish of cream;
And you might now and then supply
Some caviare, or Strassburg Pie,
Some potted grouse, or salmon paste -
He’s sure to have his personal taste.
(I know a Cat, who makes a habit
Of eating nothing else but rabbit,
And when he’s finished, licks his paws
So’s not to waste the onion sauce.)
A Cat’s entitled to expect
These evidences of respect.
And so in time you reach your aim,
And finally call him by his NAME.
So this is this, and that is that: