Savannah's Paw Tracks

Autobiography of a Former Shelter Cat

Human Domination in Two Easy Steps


I bet’cha I have your attention now, don’t I?

The steps are actually very simple, unless you happen to be a woofie over about twenty pounds (nine kg)! I can’t demonstrate this process myself and you will see shortly why. I asked The Kid Sage (TKS) to step up and do the demo.

Here ya go—

First Step—step lightly onto your human’s lap (see, I can’t get to the first step—really a bummer). No eye contact to start. Be sure to snuggle up close to their body and spend a bit of time arranging your front paws for maximum “cuteness”. Adopt a relaxed, serene pose and stare off into space as though you have much on your mind.

I am so gonna own Mom L

*sigh* So relaxing, so much to think about—

Second step—Let me warn you, don’t try this on your human’s lap unless you have practiced this technique in front of a mirror. This is the crucial step to achieve human domination, and you will get only one chance to get this right.

After you have been on the lap long enough to allow the human to feel your warmth, maybe even the soft rumble of your purr, then when you feel you have the human in a state of bliss—turn your head slowly, tilt upward toward your human. NOW make direct eye contact, and show your adoration of your human with a look, you know the look, and the human will be dominated for the rest of the day. You will receive anything you want. Trust me.

You have dominated the human—score one for cats!

You are the most special human in my whole life—I love you

My thanks to TKS for the demo, she does it better than I do. Well, of course I can do the “look” part, I just don’t do the “sit on the lap” part. Which, I must say, is very important to lasting domination. Hope this helps you. Let me know if you have that “look” in your tool kit for managing your humans.


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23 thoughts on “Human Domination in Two Easy Steps

  1. EXCELLENT pointers, for sure!


  2. I wouldn’t worry too much Savy, I am sure you have it even without having fully mastered step one yet!

  3. pilch92 on said:

    Excellent lesson. I think most of my cats know it, but some need a refresher course.

  4. Oh yea, you covered it quite nicely, and beautifully too!

  5. No can do the lap part either but I can melt Pop with “the look.”

  6. TKS you are wise beyond your years, surely you’ve been tutored by the great Savvy herself.

    Emma and Buster

  7. Ah HA!! Well well, so that’s what I need to do * scribbles notes * uhHuh……….

  8. Flynn on said:

    TKS demonstrated it very well.

  9. I’m impressed. I haven’t got to the sitting on lap stage myself yet, but peep did just buy me a new sofa set of draws and a power tool. That probably doesn’t count, huh? maybe I DO need to practice a bit more. purrs from your currently rained upon pal, ERin

  10. I’ve got dat look down!

  11. Two French Bulldogs on said:

    Those are some good ideas you gave us
    Lily & Edward

  12. My kitties are aces at human domination!

  13. Wow, TKS has mastered those moves. That look should get her anything she wants.

  14. You bet, we all started practicing as kittens. TKS really as it mastered. Good job. Thanks for the tips, Savvy. XOCK, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth and Calista Jo

  15. hannahandlucy on said:

    Thank you for showing us your special move Savvy and we’ll practice at getting that “special” look exactly purrfect so our Mum will give us extra treats.

  16. Great demonstration, TKS. Pierre is great at this. The humans call it his “adoring them” because of the way he makes big eyes up at them from their lap. It works every single time.

  17. mistletoeandhitch on said:

    I use the same technique as TKS but Hitch cannot do the first step of relaxing on a lap so he approaches the human purring loud enough to be heard from several feet away, kneading the air between himself and the human. He then follows with step two. It seems to work for him so to each their own!

  18. Great explanation, S. And we’ll done demo, TKS. I have used this technique often. It works EVERY TIME! Humans are adorable, aren’t they?

    Love and licks,

    • Sure, Easy, your humans will not get the difference between a 10 pound (4,5 kg) cat and a 10 times as heavy dog – no way will they notice the slightest difference – if your look is good enough, that is! So you better practice that!

  19. …. that are great tips… I will try it :o) do you think my humans are happy when I step on their lap? LOL

  20. Great photos of TKS practicing human domination and she does it quite well. I think I have had plenty of years of practice for THE LOOK and it gets my humans every time!

    Hugs, Sammy

  21. Aha. Furry crafty, furry crafty indeed.
    Yes, We have The Look right down to a Tee (whatever a tee may be, mol).
    We have no doubt, Savvy, that both you and Sage excel in this department.

  22. I do it totally differently. Instead of sitting on my human’s lap, I lie on her office chair, behind her! You’d think it wouldn’t be effective, but it must work because Binga has started copying me.

Waving paw...HI!...what'd 'cha think...??

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